Wedding Ceremony

The layout of the New Testament follows the first century Jewish wedding ceremony. Or perhaps better stated, the structure, timeline, and events of the first century Jewish wedding ceremony all find their place within the pages, narrative, and theology of the New Testament. It is a tapestry that, while unknown to most, once identified, reveals itself on nearly every page. It is as if the God of the Jews formulated his redemption plan after one of their most common yet beautiful events.

While there are other metaphors Scripture incorporates to communicate God's relationship with his people, it is the wedding that the Lord uses to bookend the entirety of his revelation (Gen. 2; Rev. 22). In what follows we will survey the wedding metaphor's use in the Old Testament, then we will look at how beautifully it is woven into the New.

A marriage is a covenant, meaning it creates a legal binding contract between multiple parties, and it articulates what each party member is required to perform. But unlike a typical covenant, marriage is unique in that God is one of the party members. This makes marriage infinitely more binding, and the repercussions for breaking the agreement are infinitely more severe. We can see the severity of this in 1 Peter 3:7, where it warns husbands to be gentle and loving towards their wives so as not to hinder their prayers!

While there are other Old Testament covenants, as it pertains to our topic, we will focus on the foot of Mount Sinai where God entered a covenant with the people of Israel. Concerning this covenant, the books of Exodus and Deuteronomy use (almost exclusively) 2nd millennium ancient Near East Suzerain / Vassal treaty language.¹ But, as we will see, once we enter the books of the prophets (the covenant arbitrators), the marriage motif is stated throughout. But even without the explicit marriage language in Exodus and Deuteronomy, we hear the people exchange their "I do's" (Ex. 19:8; 24:3, 7). We feel the importance of marriage in passages like Deuteronomy 24:5, "When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken." Imagine if we invested that much in newlyweds today! And, sadly, we hear the LORD prophesying the people's future infidelity. "And the LORD said to Moses, 'Behold, you are about to lie down with your fathers. Then this people will rise and whore after the foreign gods among them in the land that they are entering, and they will forsake me and break my covenant that I have made with them'" (Deut. 31:16).

The prophets, as stated above, are replete with marriage language. Ezekiel 16:8-14 recount the doting words of the LORD for Israel, his wife.

When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the LORD God, and you became mine. Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the LORD God.

But as the LORD predicted in Deuteronomy, the honeymoon was short lived. In Jeremiah, He laments, "Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, 'After she has done all this she will return to me,' but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree. Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the LORD" (vv. 3:6-10).

It is in the book of Hosea that God calls upon a prophet to physically live out what the LORD had been living out with the people of Israel. "Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord" (1:2b). As the book unfolds, we see Hosea marry an unfaithful bride who he time and again has to go redeem, just as the LORD time and again had to go redeem his unfaithful people. But the book is also the certificate of divorce. It is the explanation of the people's sins and punishment for breaking the covenant. Hosea's children's names detail this explanation.

So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. And the Lord said to him, "Call his name Jezreel, for in just a little while I will punish the house of Jehu for the blood of Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of the house of Israel. And on that day I will break the bow of Israel in the Valley of Jezreel." She conceived again and bore a daughter. And the Lord said to him, "Call her name No Mercy, for I will no more have mercy on the house of Israel, to forgive them at all. But I will have mercy on the house of Judah, and I will save them by the Lord their God. I will not save them by bow or by sword or by war or by horses or by horsemen. When she had weaned No Mercy, she conceived and bore a son. And the Lord said, "Call his name Not My People, for you are not my people, and I am not your God." — Hosea 1:3-9.

The people were divorced from the LORD, an event referenced not long after by the prophet Isaiah (see 50:1), but, as we all know from the books and movies, Hosea is also a redemption story. In chapter 2 God promises a day when the relationship is restored.

And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me "My Husband," … And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. … And I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, "You are my people"; and he shall say, "You are my God." — Hosea 2:16a, 19-23.

But this will require a new covenant, Jeremiah tells us, "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD (Jer. 31:31-32). Jeremiah echoes Hosea by promising that this new covenant will be an everlasting covenant (Jer. 33:14-26), one that cannot be broken. We must ask, "How can God enter a covenant with humans, and it be everlasting? What will stop man from inevitably turning away once more?" The only logical option would be for God to personally take on our covenantal responsibilities. Which is exactly what he did! This new covenant is of course God incarnate fulfilling the covenant obligations perfectly, and, of course, he uses wedding imagery, first-century Jewish wedding ceremony imagery to be more precise.

First Century Jewish Wedding Ceremony

As we begin to look at the Jewish wedding ceremony, it is worthwhile to first note that Jesus directly referred to himself as the Bridegroom. All three synoptic Gospels record when Jesus was asked why his disciples did not fast; he responded with "Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?" (Matt. 9:15; Mark 2:19; Luke 5:34). He also refers to his second coming in terms of him as the bridegroom in the Parable of the Ten Virgins (Matt. 25:1-13). Lastly, John the Baptist when explaining that he was not the Christ but merely sent before the Christ, clearly referring to Jesus,² makes the following statement, "The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete" (John 3:29). John's joy was complete because he heard the Bridegroom, he heard Jesus.

With this in mind, that Jesus is the Bridegroom, and the authors of the New Testament wanted you to know this, let us look at how well the New Testament tells our redemption story as a wedding story.

Choosing a bride.

The first event that must take place if there is to be a wedding is, of course, the choosing of a bride. And as was common nearly everywhere two thousand years ago, the father of the bridegroom chose a bride for his son. While Jesus doesn't explicitly use marriage language here, the idea of election or chosen by God is used throughout scripture. Such as, in Deuteronomy 7 where the LORD said, "For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples" (vv 6, 7). Jesus continues this by saying, "All that the Father gives me will come to me …." And a few verses later, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him" (John 6: 37a, 44a). Paul likewise in Ephesians says God chose us before the foundation of the world (1:4).

Once the bride has been chosen, the son is sent to propose.

Proposal

The bridegroom was sent³ to ask for the bride's hand in marriage. This began by agreeing on a bride price. The sad truth is that women did not have much power militarily or economically in those days (as with much of human history) so the bride's family would expect a substantial payment to compensate for the costs incurred to raise her—thus the bride price. Yet, no bride price has ever compared to the price our Bridegroom paid. "[Know] that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot" (1 Peter 1:18-19). Paul echoes this to the Corinthians reminding them that they were bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:20a).

While the reformed crowd enjoyed seeing God's sovereignty in choosing a bride, man's responsibility is now at the forefront, as the bride either accepts or rejects the proposal. "Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God" (John 3:18).

Once the bride accepts, it is time to exchange gifts (discussed below).

The final step before the bridegroom departs is the sharing of wine. There are four cups in all, representing the four promises that God made in Exodus 6:6-7. The first cup is that He "will bring you out"; the second is that He will "deliver you from slavery"; the third that He will "redeem you"; and the fourth is that He will "take you to be His people." The last and final cup was set aside, not to be enjoyed until the wedding ceremony. Jesus, of course, stops short of the fourth cup during the Passover meal, promising, "I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom" (Matt. 26:29).

Once the gifts are exchanged and wine has been drunk the couple has a legally binding contract. This is why Joseph sought to put Mary away quietly (Matt. 1:19).

This is a joyous time as the bride and her bridegroom are together, but alas it is time for the bridegroom to depart.

Bridegroom Leaves

The bridegroom returns home and prepares a place for his bride. More than a millennia earlier Moses allotted the land to the tribes. So, the bridegroom would return to his tribe's land and would either build an extension to his father's house or a new structure on his father's property.

Jesus makes this clear in John, "My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" John 14:2-3.

The bride isn't without responsibility during this period. She is to bathe and cleanse herself in preparation for her bridegroom's return. We too are called to cleanse ourselves. "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish" (Eph. 5:25-27). And, "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it" (1 Thess. 5:23-24, see also 1 Cor. 1:8-9; 6:11; 2 Cor. 11:2).

The bride was to live ready and in expectation of her bridegroom's return. During this period, she was to wear her wedding dress for two reasons. First, she would be ready when her bridegroom returned and second, it would be an outward sign that she was "off the market." She was as good as married; some may call it now but not yet. This was even though, the bridegroom could tarry for as long as two years, a length of time that could easily make the heart begin to doubt. The bride would rely on the gifts she received during the proposal to remind her of her bridegroom's pledge to her.

At the betrothal, the man gave a number of gifts to the woman, the most important of which was a ring. This was given as a pledge of his fidelity. In the presence of the witnesses the woman then placed the ring on the third finger of her left hand in acceptance of his pledge. The ring was probably a survival of the ancient coemptio, the practice whereby the father "mancipated" his daughter to her husband by way of a notional sale, of which the arra, or pledge, was an important preliminary.⁴

Paul to the Ephesians calls the Holy Spirit our pledge/guarantee, "… when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory (1:13b-14, see also 2 Cor. 1:22; 5:5).

But as with the bride so it is with us, we can easily begin to question or lose hope in our Bridegroom's return. To this end, Peter pleads with us to be prepared for Christ's return.

Knowing this first of all, that scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing, following their own sinful desires. They will say, "Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all things are continuing as they were from the beginning of creation." For they deliberately overlook this fact, that the heavens existed long ago, and the earth was formed out of water and through water by the word of God, and that by means of these the world that then existed was deluged with water and perished. But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.

But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed. — 2 Peter 3: 3-10

Bridegroom Returns

With the house prepared, the bridegroom would eagerly desire to return for his bride, but the father determined when the son was allowed to return. Seasons were so instrumental to survival in those days that even kings had time for war and time for peace. The individual household was no different. Agriculture too was a driving factor on when the house could afford to be without an able-bodied man. Plus remember what Moses said (shared earlier), after the wedding, the man was not to go to war or be responsible for any public duty for a year (Deut. 24:5). Thus, it was the father that told the son when he could go.

Many speculate how Jesus could be fully God and not know when his return would take place, per Matthew 24:36, "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only." Personally, such a thought experiment is futile but what is clear, Jesus' relinquishing knowledge of this event is directly in line with the wedding ceremony.

But eventually the father would give the "Ok." Typically accompanied by close friends, the son would begin the track to the bride's home. Without the luxury of cell phones or email, the bridegroom's arrival would be unexpected. The bridegroom and his party would walk into town blowing trumpets and singing. Due to the unexpected moment of his arrival, they would use the expression as a thief in the night to refer to his arrival. The entire town would know the bridegroom had arrived. What a party atmosphere it would be if the bride was ready. What a disaster if she was not.

Jesus said in Revelation 16:15, "Behold, I am coming like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake, keeping his garments on, that he may not go about naked and be seen exposed!" We earlier saw Peter use the same "thief in the night" motif, and we referenced the Parable of the Ten Virgins, which warns the bride to be prepared.

Paul describes Christ's return with like imagery, "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed" (1 Cor. 15:52).

The last and final event was the wedding itself. The bride found prepared and waiting would joyfully join her bridegroom, and typically the entire town, on the journey back to the place prepared for her.

The Final Wedding Ceremony

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
"Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
    the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
    and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
    with fine linen, bright and pure"—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

And the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are the true words of God." — Revelation 19:6-9

The wedding feast would last for seven days, a period denoting perfection or completeness within scripture. We are first introduced to this idea on the seventh day of creation in Genesis 1, which is the only day without end. The final wedding ceremony will be our introduction to eternity. An eternal perfect celebration of the marriage between the Lamb and his bride.

"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price. … He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!" (Rev. 22:17, 20).

Thus, we are called the bride of Christ even as we live in the betrothal period.

The tapestry of the New Testament is awe-inspiring, especially when the reader stops and realizes that one man was writing a particular book, and another was writing a different one, and yet more men in different places and at different times were writing something else. Each was adding a bit to the story. Each using an aspect or event as a metaphor to describe the theology or narrative they were led to write. Then we, praise God, receive it in its totality. We get to sit in the seat of luxury and see it all as one complete work, and what we see is a perfect chronological first century wedding ceremony, from betrosal to wedding feast and each event in between.

This is not dumb luck or happenstance. Only a fool would say this is a coincidence and only one ignorant in the development of the New Testament would claim collaboration. No, this is the result of coordinated distribution of revelation to certain men to construct a work of art. All scripture is God breathed (2 Tim. 3:16) and it is beautiful!

FOOTNOTES ADDITIONAL RESOURCES